Dearest,

Well here we are again. Things have been much, much better - the spells of calm and peace have grown so long that I often find myself thinking that it will be this way forever, that things couldn't possibly have been that bad.

Except every now and then the dark clouds gather, without warning (or at least without my picking up on the signs). I can see the darkness descend and you begin to go through the familiar cycle, and I feel my old reactions of astonishment, hurt, anger and, now, realization at what is behind it all.

I've noticed, though, that you are far more prone to fall into this darkness straight after a particularly joyous time. If we have sex, for example, the next day I am almost guaranteed storm clouds. It may be just as well that we hardly ever do.

This weekend was particularly joyous, I saw it as the culmination of a long, hard road that was finally getting easier. One and Two have discovered how to play together, they are no longer utterly dependent on us 24 hours a day, we were able to talk, walk, relax.

What a shock it was to come home to your darkness today.